Talking to Kids about Death…and Why You Must

Death and dying are among the most avoided topics in our culture, especially when it comes to children. Many adults instinctively shy away from the subject, often in an effort to protect children—or to avoid their own discomfort. The result? We reach for soft, vague phrases like “Grandpa is sleeping” or “Max is in the sky.” But while these euphemisms may feel gentler, they often do more harm than good.

When we use unclear or inaccurate language about death, we risk leaving children confused, scared, and without the tools they need to make sense of loss. Kids are perceptive. They know when something serious is happening. When adults give misleading answers, children may fill in the gaps with their own ideas, which are often far more frightening.

Take the example of “Grandpa is sleeping.” This seemingly innocent phrase can create anxiety around sleep itself. A child might think: If Grandpa went to sleep and never woke up, what happens when I go to sleep? Will I disappear too?

Or, “Max is in the sky.” To an imaginative child, this raises real questions: Can I go to the sky too? How do I get there? Will I see him if I look up?

These statements may be well-intentioned, but they send murky messages about what’s actually happening—and can make a child feel more uncertain and unsafe.

So, how do we talk to kids about death?

First and foremost: tell the truth. Children need and deserve honest, age-appropriate information. When we are clear and direct, we help them understand what’s happening and give them the security of knowing the adults around them are trustworthy.

For young children, you can keep it simple and concrete:

“Grandpa died. That means his body stopped working. When a body stops working, it can’t eat, sleep, talk, play, run, or breathe anymore.”

This kind of explanation helps children begin to grasp the concept of death without unnecessary confusion or fear. It also gives them a framework for understanding other losses in the future.

But what if they ask: Will you die? Will I?

These are the questions that make grown-ups sweat. But they are valid and developmentally normal. Children ask questions to feel safe and to understand their world—not to make you uncomfortable. The key is to stay calm and offer reassurance while being honest:

“Yes, everyone dies eventually. But most people live a very long time. I plan to be here for a very long time to take care of you.”

You don’t have to over-explain or promise what you can’t guarantee. But you can provide comfort by emphasizing the here-and-now and your ongoing role in your child’s life.

Bottom line: Talking about death won’t make kids anxious. Avoiding it might.

When we speak openly and clearly, we help kids build emotional resilience. We show them that they can ask hard questions—and get real answers. And we model that grief, while painful, is something we can handle together.

Talking about death isn’t about robbing children of their innocence. It’s about respecting their intelligence and preparing them for life—including the hardest parts of it.

So, the next time your child asks a tough question about death, take a deep breath and lean in. They’re not looking for a perfect answer. They’re looking for you—honest, grounded, and ready to walk with them through whatever comes.

Check out our favorite books that address grief/loss here

What to Say (And Not Say) When Your Child Is Anxious

Anxious kids aren't trying to be difficult—they're trying to feel safe. And how we respond to their worries can either build that sense of safety… or quietly chip away at it.

As a therapist and child life specialist, I’ve seen how powerful a parent’s words can be. You don’t have to get it perfect—but with some awareness and a few key shifts, you can help your child feel truly heard, understood, and supported.

Here’s a breakdown of common phrases to skip—and what to say instead.

🚫 “You’re okay.”

Why it misses the mark:
It might look like reassurance, but to a child who feels like the world is falling apart, it sounds dismissive. Telling them they’re okay when they clearly don’t feel okay can make them feel misunderstood or even ashamed for feeling anxious.

✅ Try instead:
“I can see this feels really big/scary for you right now. I’m here with you.”
This validates their emotion and grounds them in your presence, which is more calming than any quick fix.

🚫 “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Why it misses the mark:
This phrase assumes logic can override fear. But anxiety doesn’t play by logic’s rules—especially for kids. Dismissing the fear can accidentally send the message: You shouldn't feel this way.

✅ Try instead:
“That sounds like a really hard worry. Let’s talk about it together.”
You’re not erasing the fear—you’re entering into it with them, showing them it doesn’t have to be handled alone.

🚫 “Calm down!”

Why it misses the mark:
Has anyone ever calmed down because they were told to? This one tends to escalate anxiety, especially if the child is already dysregulated.

✅ Try instead:
“Let’s take a deep breath together. One… two… three…”
Modeling regulation is more effective than demanding it. Keep your voice soft, steady, and low—even if their volume is up.

🚫 “You’re being dramatic.”

Why it misses the mark:
Oof. This one stings. Even if their response feels disproportionate to the situation, labeling it “dramatic” teaches them their feelings aren’t valid.

✅ Try instead:
“Your feelings are real, even if the worry feels bigger than the situation.”
You can gently reflect the difference between perception and reality—without shutting them down.

🚫 “Just ignore it.”

Why it misses the mark:
Ignoring anxiety doesn’t make it go away. It teaches kids to stuff it down, and unprocessed emotions? They don’t vanish—they sneak out in behavior, sleep issues, or somatic complaints.

✅ Try instead:
“When that worry shows up, what could we say back to it?”
Turn it into a dialogue. Give their anxiety a name or a character if needed. (“Is Worry Monster showing up again?”) That externalizes the anxiety and gives your child power.

🧠 Bonus Tip: You Don’t Have to Fix It

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is:
“I’m here. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

That’s it. No magic words. Just presence. Just connection.

💬 Final Thought

You can’t protect your child from ever feeling anxious—but you can give them the tools and support to face those feelings with courage. Your words matter. Your presence matters. And every moment you choose connection over correction? That’s therapy-level parenting.

Want more support in helping your anxious child? Reach out too schedule a free 15 minute consultation to see if we can support you.