The Overachiever’s Dilemma: When your Teens drive turns to burnout

Your teen has always been a go-getter—straight A’s, packed extracurricular schedule, maybe even leadership roles or volunteer work on the weekends. You’ve admired their motivation and commitment. But lately, something feels… off. They’re exhausted, irritable, or even losing interest in the things they once loved.

Welcome to the overachiever’s dilemma—when a teen’s ambition and high standards tip into stress, overwhelm, and eventually, burnout.

What Burnout Looks Like in Teens

Burnout isn’t just “being tired” or “needing a break.” In teens, it often shows up as:

• Chronic fatigue (even with adequate sleep)

• Irritability or mood swings

• Loss of motivation—not because they don’t care, but because they’re depleted

• Declining performance despite putting in more effort

• Physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or frequent illness

• Withdrawing from friends or activities

Why Overachievers Are at Risk

High-achieving teens often put pressure on themselves to keep up impossible standards—sometimes more than the adults in their lives are asking of them. A few common drivers:

• Perfectionism: Feeling they can never make a mistake

• Fear of disappointing others: Believing their worth is tied to performance

• External pressures: Competitive college admissions, scholarships, sports rankings

• No off switch: Lack of balance between productivity and rest

How Parents Can Help Prevent Burnout

1. Normalize Rest as a Success Strategy

Help your teen see that rest isn’t “slacking off”—it’s what keeps their brain and body performing at their best.

2. Check the Calendar Together

Sit down once a month and look at upcoming commitments. Are they realistic? Is there space for downtime?

3. Shift the Praise

Instead of only celebrating grades or achievements, recognize effort, resilience, and kindness. This teaches your teen that their value isn’t conditional.

4. Watch for the “Silent Quit”

If your teen starts skipping meals, avoiding hobbies, or procrastinating on work they used to enjoy, it may be a sign they’re mentally checking out.

5. Teach Coping Tools That Work Under Pressure

Mindfulness, time-blocking, exercise, and creative outlets aren’t luxuries—they’re burnout buffers.

When to Seek Extra Support

If your teen’s stress is affecting their health, relationships, or overall happiness, it might be time to connect with a school counselor, therapist, or pediatrician. Burnout can be reversed—but not if it’s ignored.

Final Thought
Ambition is a wonderful thing, but not if it comes at the cost of a teen’s well-being. The goal isn’t to dim their drive—it’s to help them run the marathon of life without collapsing before the finish line.

From Panic to Power: Guiding Your Child Through a Blood Draw

For many school-age kids, the idea of a blood draw ranks somewhere between “monsters under the bed” and “vegetables for dessert.” It’s one of those necessary-but-dreaded parts of growing up—especially for children with chronic medical needs. And as a parent, watching your child go through it can feel like you’re being asked to stay calm while someone draws your blood too. (Spoiler: You’re not the only one who needs coping skills here.)

But the good news? With a little preparation, some developmentally appropriate support, and a healthy dose of empathy, you can help make the experience more manageable—and even empowering—for your child.

Here’s how.

Be Honest

Children in the 6–12 age range do best when they know what’s coming. They’re concrete thinkers, so be clear and truthful—no vague promises or sugarcoating. Say something like:

“The nurse is going to use a small needle to take a little bit of blood from your arm. It might pinch or sting for a few seconds, and then it’s done.”

Avoid saying it “won’t hurt” if that’s not guaranteed. It’s better to be trusted than to be “right.” Pain is subjective, but betrayal? Kids remember that.

Offer Choices (even small ones)

Kids feel more in control when they get a say in the process—even if the situation itself isn’t negotiable. Some choices you can offer:

• Which arm do you want them to use?

• Do you want to watch or look away?

• Do you want to sit on your own or on my lap?

• Should we count to three before the poke, or do you want the nurse to just tell you when?

These options won’t change the outcome, but they give your child a sense of agency in an otherwise vulnerable moment.

Practice Coping Ahead of Time

You can teach and practice simple coping strategies in advance:

• Deep breathing: Practice belly breathing together—pretend you’re blowing up a balloon or blowing out birthday candles.

• Distraction: Let your child pick a favorite song, video, or game to focus on. A fidget toy or “I Spy” game can also help.

• Comfort positioning: Sitting on your lap, holding your hand, or having a favorite stuffed animal along can offer comfort and reduce fear.

The goal? Help their brain shift from “danger zone” to “I’ve got tools for this.”

Use Positive Language

Your tone sets the stage. Avoid fear-based phrases like “Don’t freak out” or “It’s just a little poke”—they can invalidate or heighten anxiety. Instead, use affirming statements like:

• “You’re doing such a brave thing.”

• “It’s okay to feel nervous. I’ll be right here the whole time.”

• “Let’s use our superpower breath to get through this.”

Normalize Emotions

Tears, nerves, and protest are all normal. Acknowledge feelings without trying to fix or dismiss them.

“You’re feeling scared, and that makes sense. Lots of kids feel that way before a poke.”

Then gently guide them toward their coping strategy. Think of yourself as a calm anchor—rooted and steady while they ride the waves.

Remember: Your Calm is Contagious

Kids take their cues from you. If you’re visibly anxious, they will be too. Try to model calm confidence—even if you have to fake it a bit. (Pro tip: Deep breathing works for adults, too.)

And if you find your own anxiety overwhelming? You’re not alone. Many parents carry trauma from their child’s previous medical experiences. It’s okay to get support for yourself, too..

When To Reach Out: 5 Reasons Your Child Might Benefit from Therapy

Changes in Behavior or Mood

A sudden drop in grades, sleep problems, loss of interest in favorite activities, or changes in appetite can all be signs that something deeper is going on. Kids often express emotional distress through behavior — not words.

Major Life Changes

Divorce, a new sibling, moving, changing schools, or the loss of a loved one can shake a child’s sense of stability. Therapy can provide a safe space to process those changes and regain a sense of control.

Anxiety That Interferes With Daily Life

A bit of worry is normal — even healthy. But if your child is constantly anxious, avoids social situations, struggles to separate from you, or experiences physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches, it’s time to talk to a therapist.

Trauma or Medical Experiences

Whether it’s a hospital stay, an accident, bullying, or abuse, trauma takes a toll — even if your child “seems fine.” Therapy can gently guide them through healing in a developmentally appropriate way.

Self-Esteem Issues

You might hear things like “I’m dumb,” “No one likes me,” or “I can’t do anything right.” These comments often reflect deeper self-worth challenges that therapy can address through encouragement and skill-building.

The Takeaway

Reaching out for therapy isn’t a sign that you’ve failed as a parent — it’s a sign that you haven’t. It means you’re noticing, you’re caring, and you’re doing something about it. Whether your child is facing a specific challenge or just seems a little “off,” early intervention can make a lifelong difference.

You're not alone — and your child doesn't have to be either.

Want to explore whether therapy is right for your child? Schedule an appointment with a licensed child therapist.

Let’s help your child not just cope — but thrive.

How to Build a Coping Toolbox with Your Child

Tangible Tools for Big Feelings, Co-Created with Care

When a child is overwhelmed, dysregulated, or anxious, they don’t need a lecture. They need a lifeline.

That’s where a coping toolbox comes in.

Think of it like emotional first aid—a personalized collection of tools that help your child feel safe, soothed, and more in control during stressful moments.

But here’s the key: don’t build it for them. Build it with them.

When kids help create their coping tools, they’re more likely to use them—and feel empowered by them.

🧰 What Is a Coping Toolbox?

It’s exactly what it sounds like: a physical or digital container filled with sensory, creative, and cognitive tools that help regulate big emotions.

You can use:

• A small plastic bin

• A decorated shoebox

• A pencil pouch (for school or the car)

• A digital list on a phone or tablet

• A baggie they keep in their backpack

The goal? Make it portable, personal, and easy to use when emotions run high.

🧠 Step 1: Talk About “Tools vs. Fixes”

Kids often think a coping skill has to “make it all go away.”

Let’s shift that mindset. Say something like:

“Coping tools don’t erase feelings—they help our body and brain handle them better.”

Reassure them that having big feelings is normal—and tools help us ride the wave.

🖍 Step 2: Brainstorm Together

Sit down with your child when they’re not in distress and ask:

“What helps your body feel calm?”
“What helps your brain feel safe?”
“What makes you feel better when you’re having a hard day?”

Write everything down. No judgment. Even if they say “Minecraft” or “ice cream.” You’re gathering data, not editing it—yet.

🎒 Step 3: Choose Tools for Different Needs

Try to include a mix of:

💪 Sensory Tools (for body regulation)

• Stress ball or squishy

• Fidget spinner or putty

• Weighted lap pad or stuffed animal

• Noise-canceling headphones

• Chewelry or gum (if age-appropriate)

🧘‍♀️ Calming Tools (for nervous system reset)

• Bubbles for deep breathing

• Pinwheel or feather (to practice slow exhales)

• Mini bottle of lotion (for grounding scents)

• Calm-down glitter jar

• Soft music playlist

🎨 Creative Tools (for expression and distraction)

• Sketch pad and crayons

• Worry monster drawing

• Coloring pages or mandala sheets

• Journal or “feelings notebook”

• Deck of affirmation cards

📚 Cognitive Tools (for thought-based coping)

• List of affirmations (“I can do hard things.”)

• “What’s true?” cards (to challenge anxious thoughts)

• A card with grounding questions:

  • What do I see/hear/feel?

  • What’s something I know is true?

• A photo of a loved one or pet

🧸 Comfort Items (because cozy matters)

• Small stuffed animal

• Blanket square or T-shirt from home

• Scented sachet or essential oil roller

🗂 Step 4: Make It Visual and Accessible

Let your child decorate the toolbox with stickers, drawings, or their name. This builds ownership.

You can also include a visual menu of tools with simple pictures or icons (especially helpful for younger kids or neurodivergent kiddos).

🔄 Step 5: Practice When Calm

Don’t wait for a meltdown to introduce the box.

Instead, role-play using the tools when calm:

“Let’s pretend you’re feeling really frustrated. What tool could help?”

This creates muscle memory for using tools in real life.

🧭 Step 6: Update as They Grow

Just like shoes, coping tools need to grow with your child.

Check in every few months:

“Are there any tools you don’t use anymore?”
“Do we need to add something new?”

Normalize that some tools work better at different ages, and that’s totally okay.

👩‍👧 Final Thoughts

A coping toolbox isn’t just a box—it’s a message:

“You’re not alone. You have options. You have power.”

And when a child believes that? They’re already halfway to regulation.

Want help supporting your anxious child? Reach out for a free 15 minute consultation.

Talking to Kids about Death…and Why You Must

Death and dying are among the most avoided topics in our culture, especially when it comes to children. Many adults instinctively shy away from the subject, often in an effort to protect children—or to avoid their own discomfort. The result? We reach for soft, vague phrases like “Grandpa is sleeping” or “Max is in the sky.” But while these euphemisms may feel gentler, they often do more harm than good.

When we use unclear or inaccurate language about death, we risk leaving children confused, scared, and without the tools they need to make sense of loss. Kids are perceptive. They know when something serious is happening. When adults give misleading answers, children may fill in the gaps with their own ideas, which are often far more frightening.

Take the example of “Grandpa is sleeping.” This seemingly innocent phrase can create anxiety around sleep itself. A child might think: If Grandpa went to sleep and never woke up, what happens when I go to sleep? Will I disappear too?

Or, “Max is in the sky.” To an imaginative child, this raises real questions: Can I go to the sky too? How do I get there? Will I see him if I look up?

These statements may be well-intentioned, but they send murky messages about what’s actually happening—and can make a child feel more uncertain and unsafe.

So, how do we talk to kids about death?

First and foremost: tell the truth. Children need and deserve honest, age-appropriate information. When we are clear and direct, we help them understand what’s happening and give them the security of knowing the adults around them are trustworthy.

For young children, you can keep it simple and concrete:

“Grandpa died. That means his body stopped working. When a body stops working, it can’t eat, sleep, talk, play, run, or breathe anymore.”

This kind of explanation helps children begin to grasp the concept of death without unnecessary confusion or fear. It also gives them a framework for understanding other losses in the future.

But what if they ask: Will you die? Will I?

These are the questions that make grown-ups sweat. But they are valid and developmentally normal. Children ask questions to feel safe and to understand their world—not to make you uncomfortable. The key is to stay calm and offer reassurance while being honest:

“Yes, everyone dies eventually. But most people live a very long time. I plan to be here for a very long time to take care of you.”

You don’t have to over-explain or promise what you can’t guarantee. But you can provide comfort by emphasizing the here-and-now and your ongoing role in your child’s life.

Bottom line: Talking about death won’t make kids anxious. Avoiding it might.

When we speak openly and clearly, we help kids build emotional resilience. We show them that they can ask hard questions—and get real answers. And we model that grief, while painful, is something we can handle together.

Talking about death isn’t about robbing children of their innocence. It’s about respecting their intelligence and preparing them for life—including the hardest parts of it.

So, the next time your child asks a tough question about death, take a deep breath and lean in. They’re not looking for a perfect answer. They’re looking for you—honest, grounded, and ready to walk with them through whatever comes.

Check out our favorite books that address grief/loss here

What to Say (And Not Say) When Your Child Is Anxious

Anxious kids aren't trying to be difficult—they're trying to feel safe. And how we respond to their worries can either build that sense of safety… or quietly chip away at it.

As a therapist and child life specialist, I’ve seen how powerful a parent’s words can be. You don’t have to get it perfect—but with some awareness and a few key shifts, you can help your child feel truly heard, understood, and supported.

Here’s a breakdown of common phrases to skip—and what to say instead.

🚫 “You’re okay.”

Why it misses the mark:
It might look like reassurance, but to a child who feels like the world is falling apart, it sounds dismissive. Telling them they’re okay when they clearly don’t feel okay can make them feel misunderstood or even ashamed for feeling anxious.

✅ Try instead:
“I can see this feels really big/scary for you right now. I’m here with you.”
This validates their emotion and grounds them in your presence, which is more calming than any quick fix.

🚫 “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Why it misses the mark:
This phrase assumes logic can override fear. But anxiety doesn’t play by logic’s rules—especially for kids. Dismissing the fear can accidentally send the message: You shouldn't feel this way.

✅ Try instead:
“That sounds like a really hard worry. Let’s talk about it together.”
You’re not erasing the fear—you’re entering into it with them, showing them it doesn’t have to be handled alone.

🚫 “Calm down!”

Why it misses the mark:
Has anyone ever calmed down because they were told to? This one tends to escalate anxiety, especially if the child is already dysregulated.

✅ Try instead:
“Let’s take a deep breath together. One… two… three…”
Modeling regulation is more effective than demanding it. Keep your voice soft, steady, and low—even if their volume is up.

🚫 “You’re being dramatic.”

Why it misses the mark:
Oof. This one stings. Even if their response feels disproportionate to the situation, labeling it “dramatic” teaches them their feelings aren’t valid.

✅ Try instead:
“Your feelings are real, even if the worry feels bigger than the situation.”
You can gently reflect the difference between perception and reality—without shutting them down.

🚫 “Just ignore it.”

Why it misses the mark:
Ignoring anxiety doesn’t make it go away. It teaches kids to stuff it down, and unprocessed emotions? They don’t vanish—they sneak out in behavior, sleep issues, or somatic complaints.

✅ Try instead:
“When that worry shows up, what could we say back to it?”
Turn it into a dialogue. Give their anxiety a name or a character if needed. (“Is Worry Monster showing up again?”) That externalizes the anxiety and gives your child power.

🧠 Bonus Tip: You Don’t Have to Fix It

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is:
“I’m here. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

That’s it. No magic words. Just presence. Just connection.

💬 Final Thought

You can’t protect your child from ever feeling anxious—but you can give them the tools and support to face those feelings with courage. Your words matter. Your presence matters. And every moment you choose connection over correction? That’s therapy-level parenting.

Want more support in helping your anxious child? Reach out too schedule a free 15 minute consultation to see if we can support you.