Talking to Kids about Death…and Why You Must

Death and dying are among the most avoided topics in our culture, especially when it comes to children. Many adults instinctively shy away from the subject, often in an effort to protect children—or to avoid their own discomfort. The result? We reach for soft, vague phrases like “Grandpa is sleeping” or “Max is in the sky.” But while these euphemisms may feel gentler, they often do more harm than good.

When we use unclear or inaccurate language about death, we risk leaving children confused, scared, and without the tools they need to make sense of loss. Kids are perceptive. They know when something serious is happening. When adults give misleading answers, children may fill in the gaps with their own ideas, which are often far more frightening.

Take the example of “Grandpa is sleeping.” This seemingly innocent phrase can create anxiety around sleep itself. A child might think: If Grandpa went to sleep and never woke up, what happens when I go to sleep? Will I disappear too?

Or, “Max is in the sky.” To an imaginative child, this raises real questions: Can I go to the sky too? How do I get there? Will I see him if I look up?

These statements may be well-intentioned, but they send murky messages about what’s actually happening—and can make a child feel more uncertain and unsafe.

So, how do we talk to kids about death?

First and foremost: tell the truth. Children need and deserve honest, age-appropriate information. When we are clear and direct, we help them understand what’s happening and give them the security of knowing the adults around them are trustworthy.

For young children, you can keep it simple and concrete:

“Grandpa died. That means his body stopped working. When a body stops working, it can’t eat, sleep, talk, play, run, or breathe anymore.”

This kind of explanation helps children begin to grasp the concept of death without unnecessary confusion or fear. It also gives them a framework for understanding other losses in the future.

But what if they ask: Will you die? Will I?

These are the questions that make grown-ups sweat. But they are valid and developmentally normal. Children ask questions to feel safe and to understand their world—not to make you uncomfortable. The key is to stay calm and offer reassurance while being honest:

“Yes, everyone dies eventually. But most people live a very long time. I plan to be here for a very long time to take care of you.”

You don’t have to over-explain or promise what you can’t guarantee. But you can provide comfort by emphasizing the here-and-now and your ongoing role in your child’s life.

Bottom line: Talking about death won’t make kids anxious. Avoiding it might.

When we speak openly and clearly, we help kids build emotional resilience. We show them that they can ask hard questions—and get real answers. And we model that grief, while painful, is something we can handle together.

Talking about death isn’t about robbing children of their innocence. It’s about respecting their intelligence and preparing them for life—including the hardest parts of it.

So, the next time your child asks a tough question about death, take a deep breath and lean in. They’re not looking for a perfect answer. They’re looking for you—honest, grounded, and ready to walk with them through whatever comes.

Check out our favorite books that address grief/loss here